I Feel Drained By This Relationship. Why Is It So Exhausting?
If you prefer to read, here’s the video transcript
Hi, I’m Corrina Gordon-Barnes – here to help you feel more peaceful and connected with the ones you love and today we’re looking at why relationships can feel so exhausting, why do we feel so drained and depleted in certain relationships so maybe you’re thinking of a family relationship or a relationship with a friend or your partner
and in the movie version of relationships, relationships energise us. They recharge us, they’re like havens we can go back to, plug in and get a recharge of our energy, but the opposite is often true, so today we’re looking at why that is and what we can do about it so you can come back into your full energy
so picture a play we’re going to use this analogy picture a play it’s on a stage and if it’s a well-written play then each of the characters has their own part they have their role they have their script like Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage” and everyone has their part they know what to say when to come in when to leave and it all works really smoothly and it’s entertaining, fun and engaging because everyone’s playing their part
now, that happens when there are adults who are the actors in the play – when it’s children it can look very different, right? If you imagine a nativity play there’s little Mary and she’s totally come out of her role and she’s bossing the shepherds around and she’s telling them what to do and she’s maybe pulling them around. And we do something like that as adults in our life we actually come out of our role we come out of our part and we try to play others’ parts and we try to play the director. We think we know what others should and shouldn’t be doing or saying and we come out of our part and that’s what gets really exhausting.
So let’s look at this with an example so let’s imagine Jacky is with her mother-in-law at her mother-in-law’s for tea with her children and her dream is that her mother-in-law is really engaging with the children and chatting and interested in their day at school and they’re having this wonderful energising encounter but what’s actually happening in reality is her mother-in-law has picked up a magazine, she’s not really that interested in the children, she’s reading her magazine tolerating the children being there until it’s time for them to go home and Jacky’s really annoyed and she exhausts herself by coming out of her part and thinking about what she thinks her mother-in-law should be doing instead, so she keeps trying to bring her mother-in-law’s attention to the children like oh look what they did and ooh tell grandma about what you did at school and she’s just exhausted by the end of the day because she’s been out of her role the whole time
and that’s what has exhausted her, it’s not what her mother-in-law was doing that has exhausted her, although she could definitely tell that story. It was her coming out of her role; that was what depleted and drained her.
So this is your challenge this week: Any time you’re exhausted in any relationship, whether it’s with your partner, family member or friend, ask yourself: “Whose part am I trying to play here?” and notice if you’re completely in someone else’s part trying to be in their role or trying to be the director, or are you fully in your own role, your own part? If you’re not then that’s the challenge to notice and then bring all of your energy back completely to your own role your own part. 100% of your energy is now yours to live your life and to play your part to the very best of your ability. And that’s what will make you feel satisfied and energised and it’s what will create really healthy, happy relationships.
So that’s the challenge for you. If you found this video useful and you feel like others would too, please share this with them, subscribe to the YouTube channel.