Feel Invisible? Here’s How To Get The Attention And Acknowledgement You Crave
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If you prefer to read, here’s the video transcript
Hi, I’m Corrina Gordon-Barnes – here to help you feel more peaceful and connected with the ones you love and today we’re looking at a very basic human yearning: to be seen. That very basic hunger to be appreciated and just to be visible.
Whether it’s with your partner or your mum or your friend, it can be really hard when you feel like you’re not being seen, when you feel you’re being taken for granted and not acknowledged or appreciated.
Maybe you’ve had a new haircut or you’ve got a new outfit or you’ve done something that was really hard for you or really brave and you’re not getting the acknowledgement. You’re not being seen, you just feel invisible and unacknowledged.
So what can you do about this human hunger to be seen when it feels like that hunger isn’t being fed?
There was a moment recently when i walked into my bathroom naked, about to get into the shower, and my wife Sam was at the sink doing her teeth and she didn’t say anything, didn’t seem to notice me. And as I got into the shower, I noticed my little heart was like, “I want you to see me. I want to be seen. I want you to say: You’re beautiful.”
And what I’ve come to know with doing this work that I share and that I live every day with is: whatever I think someone should be giving me or should be doing for me is something that I can give myself.
So as I stepped into the shower and I realised and noticed that, I just truthfully went inside, turned inwardly, brought my attention back to myself, and I just said, “You’re beautiful”. And I really felt it and it was complete and I felt seen and it felt like nothing else was required, like everything I’d been hungry for I had fed myself with in that moment. I was completely happy in that moment with myself.
And guess what then happened? The very moment after I felt that sense of completion and fullness, Sam turns to me and goes, “You’re beautiful”. And I was delighted because it was such a bonus, it was so utterly unnecessary to me being fed. It’s like at the end of a meal, you’ve had this amazing meal, you feel completely full in a really satisfied complete way and they bring over the complimentary chocolates and you feel like “oh wow I actually don’t need them, I’m full, but thank you, that’s wonderful, I’ll receive them with gratitude, maybe I’ll have them later.”
So when you’re noticing that hunger, that craving for attention and appreciation, picture it like this: There’s a table in front of you and on this table is all the food you can possibly want to eat, all the delicious satisfying food, and you’re just sitting there waiting for someone else to come along and feed you.
You don’t need to do that! You can feed yourself everything you want to feel seen and appreciated and acknowledged. You can feed yourself, it’s there in front of you, you don’t have to wait, you don’t have to try to get them to give it to you, none of that is necessary.
And if you notice some resistance to this, like: Well, I really want THEM to come and feed me! Just ask yourself really honestly: If you had to choose, would you rather be dependent on someone else coming to feed you and you’re just sitting there waiting? Or would you rather feel empowered to feed yourself? I know what option I’d rather choose, so my challenge to you this week if you feel unappreciated is to feed yourself.
Notice what you’re hungry for and give yourself the exact words and the exact attention, bring your attention fully back from wherever it is with the other person, bring it back to yourself and feed yourself, meet your own hunger.
I’d love to hear how you get on with this challenge so drop me a line and let me know.
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