My story seems clichéd at the beginning: a spiritual awakening in my early 20’s while traveling in Australasia and India; devouring every self-help book I could get my hands on; training and becoming certified as a coach and making personal development my profession for over a decade.
But one thing niggled me throughout this journey. No matter how far along the path I traveled, I wasn’t becoming a nicer person in my relationships. The self-work was making me more self-centred. The inner work was creating distance from my wife and family.
Then, I discovered two powerful processes: The Work of Byron Katie and certain elements of the 12 Step Program. With both, I came to realise that building up my self-identity – “I want this, I need this, I deserve this” – was blocking my connection with people and reality as they were.
With an open mind and a yearning for peace, I began the process of dismantling the self I’d built up over the years. I questioned my thoughts and assumptions. I got honest about my fears, my hidden motives and my attempts to look good or gain approval. I saw the futility of fighting against reality or trying to control it.
Empathy became more important than enlightenment. Defensiveness, superiority and resentment lessened. Acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude became priorities. I’m a much kinder person today.
After years as a seeker, I could finally call off the search. I’d found the peace I was looking for.
My relationship approach
I now share this process with a community of open-minded men and women who want to move beyond being triggered in their important relationships. Mother, father, partner, brother, sister, child – they want to find peace and connection in any close relationship where their buttons get pushed.
I currently do this through one-to-one sessions.
I also host community meet-ups in London for self-employed men and women because I believe connection is everything and that we thrive together.
One of my relationship stories
I’ve been with my wife for 13 years. Our happy marriage is not an accident, nor is it the result of good luck. It exists because of the approach I now share with this community.
On paper, Sam and I aren’t a good match. We differ on pretty much every core issue that other relationship experts would say is important. If we’d tried to find each other via internet dating, we likely wouldn’t have; we’d have scored something like a 5% match (if we were lucky).
One of us was vegan, the other ate meat. One wanted kids, one didn’t. One believed in God, one believed in the power of humanity. One wanted to move to America, one didn’t. One liked to hoard, one loved to declutter. One refused to fly for environmental reasons, one delighted in toilet bleach and chain supermarkets.
We joke that I should get a t-shirt which reads: “I’m not gay but my wife is”. Sam had assumed she’d never date a bisexual, let alone marry one.
On paper, we were doomed. In life, we are thriving. We’re evidence that differences and apparent incompatibility – even on core issues and core values – are not blocks to the happy relationship you long for, whether with your family member or partner.
Many people believe that if you have doubts in a relationship, you’re not meant to be with that person. In the early years, I had many doubts. Often, I had one foot out of the door.
We’re evidence that doubts, hesitancy, and reluctance to commit do not mean that you and a loved one aren’t meant to be together. Uncertainty does not have to be a block to a happy relationship.
Corrina and Sam make up one of the wisest and coolest couples I have the fortune of knowing. Rock solid in their devotion to each other, they are the epitome of what a healthy and happy marriage should look like.
I’ve been a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach for 11 years; I trained with the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) and hold the ICF credential of Associate Certified Coach. I also facilitate The Work of Byron Katie and have staffed the School for The Work three times. Prior to becoming a coach, I was an English and Drama teacher, trained at Cambridge University.
Your work certainly facilitates some powerful shifts!
You are a wonderful facilitator with an enormous amount of heart, wisdom and integrity, and an astonishing ability to see clearly the conditioned patterns and limiting beliefs that keep us mesmerised by our stories.
You do this in an incredibly warm, compassionate and non-judgemental way that allows your clients to dive really deep and find the treasures waiting there.
In case you want to know more
I’m from South-East London; I came to Cambridge University for my teacher training… and unexpectedly met the woman who would become my wife. We married in 2008 and have stayed living in Cambridge where we have over 20 family members within a 4 mile radius – plenty of practice for the process I now share!
I’ve been an entrepreneur since 2004. I’m always the first on the dance floor, I love clearing up after a party, if I were a patron saint of anything, I’d choose libraries, I’m still on the hunt for the perfect writing pen, and there’s a slice of home-made vegan cheesecake in my freezer at all times!